What is "The corporate world"?

The Corporate world has had far too many connotations for me, and changing ones at that.When I was in college, it was all about sitting in plush airconditioned offices,taking decesions that were to impact a company's bottomline, the next day's BSE,NSE prices, the minds of people in consumer behaviour and above all a nice harmonious life,which leads people to work their way towards the top,learning management all along the way.

3 years down the line,after 24 months in Corporate India, this is what I see life, in the eyes of a cow and a man.

You are the cow,the cow is fed hay and other victuals needs in a swanky courtyard,where you believe other cows would come and you could spend all day ogling , in the cool confines of the swanky courtyard.All the cows are whisked off to a nearby "shed" (their resort).Here all the cows would be asked to particpate in many interesting "team building activities" and these irrelevant games would go on,till each of the cows marvels and talks about its owner being "cool". Soon the cows settle to work.The owner comes and milks them daily.The problem here is that the owner doesnt know how much milk he wants , and how much the cow can deliver.The Cow is slowly milked 5 litres and as days go on its milked more in quantity,as quality hay is being fed.The Cow is slowly but steadily sucked into the generosity of its owner, so that it doesnt mind being milked a tad too much.

The owner for his 1 rs investment in the cow, would try to make a 1000 rs out of the investment and would go on to extract work.The cow starts to feel exploited and looks for approval in other fellow cows, who seem to also feel the same,but are shy in expressing themselves,lest their owner would abandon them and might reduce the amount of hay.Most of the cows lose their inner sensitivity of lazing and spending time,after work,as they would be busy trying to eke out the extra litre of milk for the owner,who evaluates the minimum citeria by making the cow milking the largest amount as the default level, so that when the next "hay" appraissal comes, he cant justify his claims in the "cow not milking to expectations".

After a year of hard earned milking, the cow demands more hay for yielding more milk, but the "corporate manager"(owner) tries to impress his head, by reducing the hay and yielding a better milk/hay ratio. The poor cows feel bad,at missing out an oppurtunity to potray one'self as god's gift to the milking industry,which is their only tool to determine their bread and butter(hay i mean).While one cow is down and out, the other cow tries to stoop to bizzare levels by stealing some of the other cows milk and putting it as its milk in the appraissal sheet,where the owner reads and rewards it by more hay and more milking(that goes without saying).

The cow starts to feel jaded and calmly looks on at other neighbouring sheds and see's whether the cow would be compensated with more "hay" there.This cycle repeats every annual appraissal and the cow with maximum"sheds" and "hay" wins the rat race.


The corporate world cuts of your penis and asks you to fuck hajaar females without compunction and produce 75% success rate as a minimum criteria,above which you would have exceeded expectatations.So the man knows, he cant make much of a dent on his own, so does his manager,but they still pretend that the man can 'just do it".The man is made to believe that he can still do it and when he tries and fails, he starts to blame himself that he couldnt do it and goes through a series of hallucinations at his abortive attempts to copulate. The poor man, in the midst of his confusions goes to viagra sellers, local "miracle inch growers" and other training techniques to understand how better he can utilise his assets.Now that when the performance appraissal comes along, the man belives himself to be god's gift to womankind and tries to convince his superior that he didnt spend the laxt six months at just looking at his asset,but tried to attend many training sessions on how to utilise his "assets" better for more returns.

The superior says that "despite giving 100 females" of resources this year you have been able to just make three pregnant.( That was a paid click, by the way, as the man spent some of the advertising budget in investing bonds in the sperm bank, and unleashing those bonds by artifical insemination). So since the ratio is poor, the appraissal asks " the man to be more assertive,agressive and to utilise teamwork (as in : u work on my property, I work on yours...and both the clicks and efforts count).

PS: By the way, the poor man doesnt know that the Sperm bank is actually a subsidiary business of his superior.

At the lower level, come what may you get screwed (An appraissal walkthrough is like a blind man,searching in a dark room, for a black cat, that is not there).

At the higher levelm, come what may you make the "moolah"and enjoy that nice "Hawaian cruise while your worker is trying to screw harder,without any assets".

Corporate life "Zindabad"

PS: My KANK Review is still half way through,should be out in a day.quite a long one at that.

1 comment:

Shree said...

You've taken the words off me...true to the hilt...

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