How Ambitious am i ?

How Ambitious am i ?, originally uploaded by kartik kannan.

I just happened to come across this in a small quiz on Rediff.com .I was questioning myself over the week whether I really was making any progress in my work and career...and I felt that my focus and concentration needed to intensify further and not suprisingly Rediff show's up the same ..saying that a push is all I need.

Life these days is so bland and boring staring at the monitor 8 hours a day , thinking of code,bugs,defects and client.It has left me no time to actually interact with friends or have a nice time going out with them.Once one tends to go to work,one gets absorbed in that and same is the case with mos of my friends ,who actually work harder than I do. A year back ...no one really imagined that we would be this busy immersing ourselves in the liquid called LIFE...or rather drowning.Each of us cant realy complain as the different companies we work in provide us excellent facilities and a good compensation.

I seem to be getting a complex seing the god old "kishore da " movies and reading "Malgudi days" at home as i long to live in a place like that where time just stands still and people actually have time to see each other and greet each other.

These days it's sad that I have to prioritize things and the simple of joys of life tend to lose out because our priorities tends to ignore the inherent absolute value of activities.
For example ..I havent seen my grandmother, cousin's and my father's brother for quite some time and given the sunday or weekend that I get...I usually prefer to sit under the cool confines of my AC..either strengthening my base in coding or preparing for oppurtunities for higher studies.The mind automatically says .. a visit to the suburb of perambur and pammal in Chennai would actually mean an investment of about 8-9 hours in the searing heat of Chennai commuting in the local public transport.Even though I have my car and bike , It's tiring to maintain concentration for travelling such a long distance in roads that seemed to have been designed for a moto cross championship , and the fact that one has to be really watchful while driving on highways as there is always the lurking danger that some speeding motorist or Lorry would knock u down with rash driving.

This very thought process dissuades my desire to meet people...and given the fact that If i lose out on the time on a sunday I would be terribly jaded at work, struggling to find out a piece of erroneous code that doesnt' actually exist.

So when the mind functions like this in a negative frame of mind,life tends to folow a predictable pattern..where one tries to resist any change that comes my way.That's how it's been for the past few days ...as my attitude seems to have gone really pathetic towards life in general getting used to a schedule

6 0 clock get up
8 0 clock to 1 work
1- 1:30 lunch
2 -7 work..
reach home by 8 ...
8 30 throw my bag and hit the sack once i reach home.
9 30 get up after loads of coaxing by my mother for dinner.
10 30 ..try catching up on the newspaper ...and connecting to the net (BSNL BROADBAND), of which the latter keeps failing to give me a steady connection...and after certain futile attempts at connecting..swear at the comp and shut it off...and try to read the paper...where in a little while heart says "yes" but eyes says "no" and I am driven into the world of my dreams with the paper getting strewn about on my bed all around me...and just when I feel the dream is getting better...it's already morning ...when I find my mother pestering to me to get up.

whooo........SO where do I actually have time to interact with friends and do what interests me. Cant really blame the job...as it's my mental fatigue and body that is like an Indian political party always waiting for a "bandh" (closure as in hindi ) ceasing any interest for activities.

So ....after 3 long pragraphs of "washing my dirty linen on the web" I feel somewhat relieved by the fact that the small quiz on rediff helped me feel better,at least assuaged my misery to an extent...that when Monday comes I wont be cribbing about leaving for work.